Inside a Woman's Thoughts

Ok, I know three posts is too many for one night, but I'm on a "new blogger high," if such a thing exists.

Anyway, I wanted to leave on a more positive note. I read this list of "Random thoughts of a 25-35 Year Old Woman" today, and died laughing (in public by myself) so I wanted to share. I highlighted the ones I thought were especially hilarious!

I know it's long, but trust me it's so worth it. Enjoy :)

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I canthink about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tellmy own story that's not only better, but also more directly involvesme.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when yourealize you're wrong.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink tohave fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint andsticks when they've invented the lighter?
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you'regoing in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed tobe going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in thedirection from which you came, you have to first do something likecheck your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter toyourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you'recrazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know"feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choosenot to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn'twork? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magicallyfix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we allknow how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boardsor FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it. (personal side note: examples for me include Forest Gump--to begin, I thought Vietnam was somewhere in New York, and My Girl--why couldn't she go out and play for 5-7 days? Now I know all too well...)
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actuallybecomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone'slaughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a littlebit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still theonly one who really, really gets it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? (personal note: thanks, mom, for teaching me that one!)
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand thantake 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clearyour computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to thespread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say". (this makes me LOL!!)
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantrontest is absolutely petrifying.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart",all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nodand smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams upto prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in'examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a completeidiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney andsaid "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road andinstinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure Iknow how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how theperson died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in theshower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty,and you can wear them forever.
- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu'to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with anoverweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that theirprofile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just gotthe Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind ifI do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspringwould probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to goaround and say their name and where they are from, I get so incrediblynervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at workwhen you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anythingproductive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don'twant to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you aregoing to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that Iswear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of peoplewatching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but willthey judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren'twatching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?' (Totally reminds me of the sorority house TV room...)
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times andgoes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phoneand run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then notseeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle,then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. (SO TRUE!! This must be a scam to get everyone to buy more music...)
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruisingspeed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers,but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and stillnot know what time it is.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not toanswer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their carkeys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on theDonkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snoozebutton from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first timeevery time...
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com andthe link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone theydrive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words,someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to thinkabout it, and then estimated that there must be at least four peopleeating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating bymyself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastardbefore dinner.